Shot Heard Round the Office

Alexander Gardner [Public domain], from Wikimedia Commons

Alexander Gardner [Public domain], from Wikimedia Commons

Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, is having a birthday. Arguably best known for his Gettysburg Address, Lincoln is regarded by scholars and the public as one of the three greatest U.S. presidents. He recently starred in Timur Bekmanbetov’s Vampire Hunter, but I think he should really just focus on politics.

Today is Abe’s birthday. Today is Fat Tuesday.

Abraham Lincoln’s Birthday + Fat Tuesday = Jello Shot!

jello-shot-01

So today, as that patriotic nostalgia begins to sweep over you, go ahead and have a jello shot. It’s what Abe would do.

fat-tues-shot

About Jonathan Sexton

Has been running the Marketing countryside for over 14 yrs. During his wanderings he’s done work with major brands like, The J. Peterman Company, HGTV, and Sir Sean Connery.

#foodstagram No More

Foodstagram - Creative Department

Call me crazy, but I thought the #foodporn hashtag was gonna lead me to some NSFW kinda stuff. But what “food porn” actually means is quite different: it refers to the act of sitting down at a restaurant, receiving food and immediately taking a picture of it.

The only thing NSFW about that is how offensively loud my stomach growls looking at these pictures.

Some say food porn is annoying , some say it’s necessary, and the chefs at a few high-end NYC restaurants say it’s disruptive and ruins the ambience. Could this really end the era of food porn all over my social media feeds? Maybe not, but it’s a sorely sad day for #foodstagram.

If the NYC chef gods get their way, gone (for now) are the #foodporn, #foodlover and #instayum hashtags that accompany #foodstagram, and maybe even the simple-yet-powerful ones, such as #bacon or #veggies for avid herbivores.

This is INDEED a sad day.

“But how am I supposed to know what everybody is eating at all times?” asked some people, I guess, since the recent ban has caused quite the controversy.

The situation may have escalated in part due to people reacting to their basic rights being taken away, not unlike how we weren’t able to chew gum in high school or text in the hallway. But it’s not so much about the picture of the food – Google some bibimbap and prepare to drool all over your damn self – it’s about sharing the experience with your hungry friends on social networking sites.

Fear not, there are other equally interesting things to take pictures of and spread like rapid fire across the internet! Cats of Instagram have become quite popular, bringing to life the odd nature of felines. Sunrises and sunsets are always welcomed. And if neither of those are up your alley, you could try to actually take quality, interesting pictures that deserve to be shared.

About Jonathan Sexton

Has been running the Marketing countryside for over 14 yrs. During his wanderings he’s done work with major brands like, The J. Peterman Company, HGTV, and Sir Sean Connery.

The flu fluke

The Flu 2013 - Creative Department Blog

OK, so maybe the flu itself isn’t really a fluke, and people who have it may not appreciate us telling them they’re lying about vomiting all day long, but it turns out that Americans are approaching this whole sickness thing all wrong. Having the flu is the WORST, but let’s take some actual steps in preventing it instead of just complaining and crying about it, shall we?

Time magazine seems to share in our frustration in their recent article “Flu Prevention: Why Are Adults Still Sneezing Into Their Hands?” You know, now that you mention it, why ARE people still doing that? Yuck. But seriously, just take a second to notice someone with the flu (or any other sneeze-inducing disease), blow snot into their hands and then touch everything within a 5-foot vicinity. It’s gross to say the very least. And then we have the gall to wonder how germs are spread so easily!

The article points out that children in elementary schools are, in fact, more *with it* in terms of disease prevention than adults. Come on, adults, get it together! While the kiddies are coughing and sneezing into the crooks of their arms or an available tissue, then getting a gold star on the chore board for washing and sanitizing their hands, adults are totally cool with spreading germs on Starbucks’ door handles, in the office kitchens and all over their co-workers’ lunches, and Metra train seats during the hour-long commute. Take a soft, fluffy Kleenex or arm crook, preferably your own, and let’s do our part in protecting society from the flu. Unless you really dislike those co-workers, then have at it, I guess.

To go to the doctor or not go to the doctor? Funny or Die health experts say “I’m not gonna tell you how to live your life,” but point to the fact that the flu is a possible symptom from the flu shot. Maybe seek a second opinion? Unless you don’t want to worry that you have some life-threatening illness, it’s probably best to avoid consulting WebMD, which almost always tells me my days are limited.

Whatever the case, let’s all put on our big-kid pants and take the time to prevent fast-spreading diseases, huh? The world will be a happier place without that pesky little virus, plus I like booze, not medicine that tastes like Malort.

About Jonathan Sexton

Has been running the Marketing countryside for over 14 yrs. During his wanderings he’s done work with major brands like, The J. Peterman Company, HGTV, and Sir Sean Connery.

2012 – We Did Some Stuff

2012-review

2012 – We were busy – and got busy – this year

Between all the huge news this year – good and bad, mass shootings, superstorms, Olympics, elections and more – it’s easy to forget that it was a normal year and we did normal things. You know, stuff like breathe, eat, work, get busy, etc.

So what exactly did we do? Well, my buddies at BuzzFeed crunched the numbers, and it’s a pretty interesting, if not monotonous, look at the average goings-on of a year. So let’s dive on in, shall we?

1. 141 million people were born, while 56 million died – you do the math, but that’s quite a load on the crowding.
2. We blinked 36 quadrillion times – 5.3 million per person. That’s totes cray.
3. We had 10 trillion dreams – and most of mine were way too wild and vivid to ever talk about within this hallowed blog.
4. We produced 2.6 trillion pounds of garbage: 490 billion of which came from the U.S. – including 9 billion from New York City.
5. Three-hundred-nine million years were spent sitting on the toilet.
6. We spent nearly 12 years on the internet – thanks, Facebook and BuzzFeed. Nearly 3 million of those years were on social media: About 76 percent of all time spent on social media sites was on Facebook, and about 4,350 years was spent on BuzzFeed.
7. We sent 100 trillion Tweets, too, which means 400 million a day – or 5,000 per second.
8. We bought 717 million smartphones – which means there are now more than 1 billion active smartphone users in the world – and 349 computers. We also sent 53 trillion emails.
9. Nearly 220 million of us watched the Olympics, which were far more popular than the Super Bowl, which only had 111 million viewers. The presidential debates even got more than the NFL championship, getting 191 million voters – even though 119 million people actually voted.
10. Last and *definitely* least, YOLO was said 5 trillion times, though I’m not sure how BuzzFeed calculated that one. Hopefully that one makes a quick and sudden exit once 2013 makes its entrance.

What trends do you foresee for 2013 in terms of consumption, technology and the like? I’m guessing even more social media, even though it doesn’t seem possible right now. Nothing surprises me anymore!

About Jonathan Sexton

Has been running the Marketing countryside for over 14 yrs. During his wanderings he’s done work with major brands like, The J. Peterman Company, HGTV, and Sir Sean Connery.

I see your canned goods and raise them Noah’s Ark

prophecy-end-of-world

As you may have read in this very spot, people are falling all over themselves to stock up on candles, flashlights, bottled water and canned foods in case they have to take shelter if the world does indeed come to its blazing end on December 21, as the Mayans predicted way back in the day. But some people are seeing that kind of “doomsday prepping” and raising them a full-on “paranoid” with plans recently reported by Mental Floss.

Take, for instance, a Chinese man, who’s spending his life savings of more than $150,000 on a massive ship so he and his family can stay afloat – waka waka – in the event of worldwide floods. The thing is 65 feet long and weighs about 80 tons. I’m no expert, but I think you could probably fit a couple families of giraffes in there, too.

Or how about a Canadian dude who finished a bomb shelter of sorts in the 1980s – a maze of 42 underground school buses that he rents out kind of like B&Bs. The buses even have kitchens, showers and separate bunks.

“People have been in a panic because someone has prophesized the end of the world this particular week or whatever,” he told the Canadian Press. “They call us up just to make sure we have space in the shelter and I tell them, “For sure, come on down.”

Another Chinese man is plotting out an … interesting … plan – building 3-ton steel balls that a 13 feet in diameter. These things are designed to withstand a volcano, tsunami, earthquake or nuclear meltdown. But how? Well, they’re hollow and outfitted with seatbelts, so hop on in and enjoy the ride!

Perhaps the most unusual – or crazy, but I guess we’ll see in just a few days – is a New England couple that are hoarding honey bees in case of a “grid down” situation, Mental Floss reported. So what good would these things do, besides maybe sting you to death as an alternative suicide option? Well, they can be used for food AND be bartered, of course!

There are plenty of TV shows about these preppers, so if you’re just curious about ways to get by or if you want to laugh at the nutters, you can take your pick. But really, what’s the point? If hellfire does rain from the skies, is anyone going to survive? And I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to be stuck underground in some stinky school buses while zombies and mutants battle it out above me.

About Jonathan Sexton

Has been running the Marketing countryside for over 14 yrs. During his wanderings he’s done work with major brands like, The J. Peterman Company, HGTV, and Sir Sean Connery.