Forget frail humans. They mean well. They talk about change. But they are simply too slow in bringing it. What we need is sweeping, unstoppable change. We need the ultimate uniter, something brutally implacable, mission-focused and preferably smelly. A giant, scaly monster born from some human-made disaster (nuclear radiation, ocean pollution, reality TV – take your pick) would be perfect.
Think about it.
You’re walking along a downtown street when suddenly the ground trembles, a bus flies through the air and the 30-story building in front of you explodes. And there’s Godzilla, a cable car in one hand, a visitor’s guide to your city in the other. My guess is, you won’t be thinking about politics, taxes or your energy bill. Religion, maybe.
Now, let’s assume you don’t become monster toe jam, that you survive and your i-phone is functioning. You text everyone in your address book. “Holy cr@p!” you scream (sort of.) “Call everybody in the world and tell them to meet me downtown right now.”
You harken back to that age-old saying, “Together we stand, divided we get killed by Godzilla.” You understand that if we all work as one, we shall prevail. We can slay Godzilla (as well as Mrs. Godzilla and all her eggs, of course, so there can’t be any sequels.) The world unites. Great things happen – things no politician could ever put into motion.
Consider these perks of having Godzilla in charge for a while:
- The news will actually be worth watching. There’s not a pundit alive who can put a spin on Godzilla. He’s not a Republican or Democrat, Libertarian or Socialist. He’s freakin’ Godzilla.
- Civic improvement would be the mode: new roads, bridges, high-rises, sewers (the big dude’s gotta put it somewhere.)
- Religion would see the biggest mass conversion since the Spanish Inquisition.
- Education would be funded as never before, so our kids would be smart enough to take on the next hideous monster, like Rodan, Mothra or Ann Coulter.
But, alas, we have chosen Obama. He seems like a good man. He sure talks about change a lot. But, really, one of his smoothly inspiring speeches can’t motivate this country the way seeing jets batted out of the sky and whole cities eaten alive can.
Godzilla.
For change I can believe in.
