Squeak of the Week

I’d like to take a moment to thank the leading thinkers of the advertising industry who’ve selflessly dedicated themselves to documenting and sharing their wisdom. I’ve read a few of their books. They were very nice. I will, however, never read another one. Don’t need to. I have a cat.

I recommend this to everyone. Get a cat, sit back and observe.

You’ll learn a basic lesson within the first few days. Let’s call it, “Cats and the Consumer Mindset.� Both tend to lie around completely disinterested in you, unless you scare them or entice them with something they want. Limited time offers, coupons and Fancy Feast are always good choices.

After a while, you will learn more:

• Understand how to approach your audience, lest you be ignored or shredded.
• Get close, get the details and if needed, sniff your consumer’s butt.
• Keep your nose in the wind to catch coming trends.
• Regarding brand identity: You can get away with a lot if you are cute and purr.
• If you are successful, avoid the temptation to lie around all day looking cool; it won’t get you far.
• Never sharpen your claws on a client.
• If you are looking for new ideas, jump up on something you don’t usually jump on, run up the drapes or, if all else fails, stick your head in the toilet.
• Keep your brand well groomed.
• Don’t be too finicky; you never know when the food supply will stop.
• Clients and consumers develop hairballs easily; take preventative measures before they throw up on you.
• Learn the art of leg rubbing; new business and possibly a saucer of milk will follow.
• If an idea flops around on the ground and never takes off, kill it and partially eat it.
• If you do something embarrassing, just keep moving.

Please note: This only works with cats. Dogs are a whole different, er…metaphor. What with all the tail chasing, begging and leg-humping, the most you’ll learn is how to be a copywriter. Trust me on the cat thing, though. If nothing else, you’ll learn the most important lesson about this business.

If you make poop, bury it.